Giving Up is the Easy Option!
Faith....Something that was easy to push to the side but yet something I never gave up! The situation naturally looked bleak and doctors couldn't quite figure out the answer to why. Why wasn't I getting pregnant? How did my tubes become blocked? Why wasn't I ovulating quality eggs? Why wasn't the deepest desire of our hearts being manifested? My flesh wanted to give up but my spirit was SO much stronger than that! I cried. I prayed. I cried more than I prayed and then I prayed more than I cried. I shared my story with the world behind a mirror of pain, disappointment, discouragement, yet HOPE! "And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:4-5 NASB) I spiritually visualized our babies in my womb. I spiritually believed that it would manifest here on earth. I dreamed about those 3 angel babies that heaven gained from my womb. I even wondered if those would be the only children I would ever have. My flesh and my spirit continually battled with one another. From doubt to fear. And then from fear to faith. I had to become blind to what I was physically seeing and experiencing and gain spiritual sight to what I was believing. As I shared my story from state to state, on radio and tv shows, many interviewers asked the same questions: "Do you believe that you will have biological children?" To which I answered with a resounding and passionate, "YES!" To which some would respond, "But what if you never do?" My response? "oh, I will!" Some critics would probably think I was too confident or maybe even lacked empathy to those women who never did have babies. I want to be clear that was never my intention. I KNEW what God had shown my husband and I. I knew that He was faithful to fulfill His promise to me. And if I for one second began to doubt that security of His promises, I would (at the same time) be doubting The omnipotent, all powerful God I serve. 1 in 8. That's the number of women who experience some kind of infertility. I never in my life fathomed that I'd be part of this statistic. But it happened. And that's okay. Why? Because physical limitations are not intimidating to God. In the face of miscarriage, He's still God. In the face of an inability to conceive, He's still God! In the face of premature loss or stillbirth, He's still God. He said anything that you ask in MY name, I will give to you. So I turned the 1 in 8 statistic from a negative or disappointing defeat into a positive! I am 1 in 8 women who can share my story to encourage others. I am 1 in 8 women who God has chosen to use to perform a miracle. I am 1 in 8 women who get the amazing opportunity to believe God at a level beyond the faith I currently exude. I am 1 in 8 women who get the chance to deeply intercede for the children I'm believing God to bless us with.
1 in 8 women will know the power, the strength and the courage to lean on God when NOTHING or NO ONE else is strong enough to hold you in the face of infertility. I am 1 in 8 women who get to step out on the raging waters WITH faith to walk to a God who has the power and capacity to calm my emotions, fears and erase my doubts in the midst of an infertility storm. And if you are one of those women too, you are blessed. This season is one that has brought us closer to God and has allowed us to experience Him in ways we may have never known. So don't be embarrassed; you my dear are special. Special enough to be chosen to be a modern day Sarah, Rachel, Rebekah, Hannah or Elizabeth. Only God's best vessels are chosen to exemplify what it looks like to go through the fire and come out as pure gold! I know that everyone's story will have a different ending. But there's one thing we all have in common. We have chosen to trust and accept the perfect will of The Father - the One who gives life! Your prayers have the power to access anything in heaven to manifest on earth! So don't stop believing. Choose Faith Over Fear. Embrace patience over frustration and know that our pain has a mighty purpose. I'm amazed and in awe of the loving God I serve. I'm ever so thankful for this journey. I would have never chosen to go through it but now, I wouldn't change it! So today, I want to encourage the woman who's strongly considered giving up. You, yes you! Get alone with God and ask Him to show you the ending of your story. It may be a baby through your womb. It may be adoption. It may be another option or it may be that you must choose to be content (add scripture).
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (Philippians 4:11-12)
But if you are uneasy and lack peace in this area, that means your race isn't over. You've ventured off the track before you've reached the finish line. You may have a few more hurdles to jump over, go around or knock down. But I beg you to keep going! I'm praying for you to have peace that surpasses all understanding. I'm praying for the deepest desires of your heart to be manifested by our generous and loving Father. I'm praying for you to be reminded of the deepness of His love. You may feel forgotten. I sure did. But God knows the number of hairs of your head. Surely he knows the depth of your heart. You are 1 in 8 for a reason. God has given you this journey because you're strong enough to live through it. You're strong enough to grow through it. So meditate on His Word. (Joshua 1:8) God answers all prayers, just not always in the way we want or expect. Keep knocking, keep seeking, keep praying and keep believing. I cannot wait to hear the testimonies from those of you who have kept going and kept believing God in the midst of what may seem like a hopeless situation!