Pushing Through the Pain
"Discouragement leads to doubt, unbelief, and temporarily blinds us to the truths and power that Christ possesses." (~Tanika Fitzgerald)
Discouraged! That is an accurate description of how I felt when I woke up this morning. The time on my phone was 5:32am and thoughts of "What's wrong with me? Why aren't I getting pregnant?" began to run through my head. So guess what I did. I ran a Google search of "causes of infertility". Now I can't even count the amount of times I have done this throughout this journey I am in the midst of and I know that Satan's doubt was probably leading me to do this today. Since I have shared my journey with all of you, I have been privileged to speak into the lives of other women who have encountered the same challenges or those who are still in the midst of this waiting journey. It has been a blessing and honor to be used by God to help others who have miscarried anything they are still waiting on God to manifest. Some may say, "Tanika, you wrote the book Miscarried Joy: Moving Beyond Incredible Pain to Extraordinary Faith, so why would you be discouraged? The answer is because I am human. Satan is now going to attack my mind and feelings in a greater way because of this particular task God has called me to walk out.
Instead of continuing search after search on Google, I got out the bed, went into a room in our home and spent time with God, alone. This morning was one of those times when I had to push through my own pain. I opened two books that I knew would be able to help me push through this - The Bible and the book I wrote, Miscarried Joy. Yes, what God placed in me to share with other women ministered to my very soul this morning!
In the spirit of transparency, let me share with you what I wrote to God in my prayer journal this morning. I pray that you are encouraged by it:
Good morning Father! Today I feel grateful, rested and am so excited about what You are doing in this season of my life. I am excited about the ministry You have allowed me to walk in. I feel blessed to help other women who are also waiting in faith or those trying to heal from the loss of their Miscarried Joy. I feel honored that You have chosen me. But today, I also feel a bit challenged in my thinking as it relates to having children. Thoughts of "what's wrong" have been running through my head. So I had to come into the Holy Presence of my Father to take those thoughts captive and to renew my mind. Rather than spending time searching for natural remedies of what might (=doubt) be wrong, I will come to Your altar to pray for spiritual solutions. God, I know You will bless us to conceive and birth healthy children. Lord, I receive healing in my body now. I decree that any physical thing that is keeping us from conceiving be broken today. I decree total restoration in my mind. I shall not for one second doubt the promises that You've given me. I will not allow the enemy to cast doubt in my thoughts. Instead, I will remember what Your Word tells me about faith - it is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not yet seen. So I won't throw away my confidence; it will be richly rewarded. I must persevere so that after I have done Your will in this very hard place in my life, we will receive the 3 babies that we desire. I will not shrink back because you will not be pleased.
When the enemy attacks my mind, I immediately run to my secret place, My Shiloh - the sweet presence of God. Then, I went to the book God downloaded in me and read this:
Discouragement is often the emotional response to the sufferings we experience in our lives. It is normal but we must be careful to not allow this debilitating emotion to get the very best of us. You and I are not the only ones who have felt like giving up. The first step to overcoming discouragement is to be totally honest and transparent with God. He knows our hearts and every thought that enters our minds. It won’t do you any good to pretend that your anger, frustration, disappointment or fears don’t exist. Tell God about every single feeling you have and ask Him to heal your hurts, fill your voids, erase your fears and help you to rest in knowing that His plan is perfect and so is His timing. I don’t like waiting, but in this I have no choice. When I emptied my heart to God, he began to strengthen my faith in Him day by day. God allowed me to see my trial as a source of joy and an opportunity to know Him in a way that I have never known Him before. I am reminded of the encouragement that James gives when he says,
“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” ( James 1:1-4 NKJV)
Troubles in life are inevitable. Your decisions drive the outcome of your circumstance. You don’t have to pretend to be happy, but you do need to have a positive outlook on the situation. You may not have a baby yet, but you will. You may have had to experience loss, but soon you will experience great gains. Troubles can produce a lot in our lives, but only if we persevere in the face of opposition. Ask God what He wants you to learn from this situation you are facing. Ask Him how He wants to use your story for His glory. I, like you, am still waiting on the babies I know God promised me. But while I am in waiting, I am using my pain for a purpose - to encourage you. The depth of our character is revealed by how we respond under pressure. It’s easy to be cheerful when all is going well, but will we still trust God when life just doesn’t seem fair? We overcome discouragement by the power and truth of God’s Word.
Discouragement is a trick and trap of the enemy. Let's move beyond it when it comes, because it will. I pray that my transparency is a true blessing to you. It is not always easy to share the intimate pieces of this journey, but if I touch just one person, God's will is being done through me!